Tuesday, November 14, 2006

The Ultimate Energy Bar

The sound of the alarm, irritating as ever, woke me just before Christina Millian accepted my marriage proposal and I was pissed. I stood up to find that not only was I pissed but I was hung over. The 8 vodkas I had in Giants Stadium parking lot Sunday night were definitely not out of my system. I purposely set the alarm 15 minutes later than normal because I knew I'd need all the extra sleep I could get after a long, late night. That left me very little time to eat so I grabbed a DeFranco energy bar and a bottle of water and ran out the door.

Shit! No gas! I immediately headed to my favorite gas station to throw a quick ten bucks in and head to my appoinment. I always stop at this one particular spot because I know the attendant. Well, I shouldn't say I know him actually. I know who he his. And who he is, is an angry man. I can't seem to figure what it is about this guy and what my obsession with breaking him is. He came to the window with the same disdain filled look as usual and I asked how he was doing. I even called him "buddy."


Finally after a brief staredown, I asked for ten dollars, regular. As usual, I wasn't sure if he was going to headbutt me or spit on me. Normally I despise miserable people and avoid them at all costs but for some reason it has become my lifes mission to crack this guy or at least kill him with kindness along the way. He proceeded to pump the gas, furious that I made him get up for a measly ten bucks. I thanked him as graciously as I could and told him to have a great day. I'm pretty sure he told me to go fuck myself as I pulled away.

En route to my training session I ripped open my DeFranco bar because I was starving and my head was pounding. This is going to be one hell of a long day, I thought.

But I underestimated what I had just consumed. You see, Joe's new bars contain the powerful combination of Tyrosine and caffeine. When taken alone these two are great stimulants but when taken together, the effect is enhanced dramatically. The best thing about the amounts he put in the bar is that it doesn't give you that nervous, jittery stimulant feeling. You just feel better, you have more energy, are more alert and more focused. Not only that but the thing tastes great and digests with ease. Most protein bars sit in your stomach like you just ate concrete but not the DeFranco bars.

I walked into my training session feeling miserable and dreading the day ahead. The group I was training was doing flat dumbbell presses as their first exercise. Without fail they have repeated the same mistake for the last seven years. After doing a set they drop the weights on the floor. The next person goes, without moving the dumbbells from underneath them. It's an accident waiting to happen and before long someone will put a dumbbell down on top of another and crush their finger. It happens at least one time out of five...for seven years straight. What's that they say about the definition of insanity?

In a normal good mood, I will rush over and save fingers while simultaneously trying to spot another exercise for ten minutes straight. Today was an exception, however, and I thought to myself that if they can't figure it out by now, they're beyond my help.

But then something strange happened just a few minutes later. The caffeine and tryosine from the DeFranco bar started to kick in and suddenly I had more energy and was suddenly back to my normal self, laughing and joking and yelling. Man that Joe is good, I thought to myself. I even decided to prevent a blood blister in the making by running over and kicking a dumbbell out of the way a split second before it hit.

The rest of the morning was much better than could have been expected, even though several things went wrong. Without the uplifting effects of the DeFranco bar it could have been much worse.

So even though Joe did not design the bar with this in mind, I will go out on a limb and promote them as a great cure for a hangover.

By 7pm I was starting to crash. I was riding the train and had dozed off. Whenever I fall asleep in public I always dream about food. I have no idea why. This never happens on the couch or in my bed. The embarrassing thing is that I wake myself up by trying to take a big bite out of the food placed in front of me. I can only imagine what this looks like to the people around me. This train ride would prove to be no exception. I was dreaming about something completely unrelated to food; football, opening up for Pearl Jam, an island getaway with the lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls, perhaps. Who knows? But there was definitely no food involved. Suddenly a big chicken parm sub was right in front of my face for no reason whatsoever. I went to take a bite and woke myself with a big mouthful of air. I looked at the girl seated across from me who was staring right at me. She immediately looked away because she probably felt bad for me and assumed I had some odd disorder.

For the rest of the ride I continued to chomp away at imaginary culinary delights until I got off and ripped open my bag to find another DeFranco bar. Thank God, I thought. I needed to get a work out in and had no energy whatsoever. This is what Joe really made these things for so I scarfed one down and headed off to train. Within twenty minutes I felt great again and had an awesome workout.

Most of you know by now that I don't promote bullshit that I don't believe in. Having said that I do have to say that if you are dieting strictly and really trying to lose fat, you should not consume any protein bars whatsoever. Joe would tell you that himself. But if you are an athlete or just training for size and strength, I don't think you will find a better pre workout supplement than a DeFranco bar.

And it also works pretty nicely on a hangover...

Click HERE to order yours today.