Tuesday, October 30, 2007

More Funny Stuff From Boston

We were supposed to be doing the two tough guys pose but I couldn't keep a straight face (as usual).

What I Learned at the Big Seminar By Alwyn Cosgrove
1. Big is a relative term. What is Big in Boston would not be allowed into Rhodestown.

2. Nick Rhodes from Duran Duran has gained a lot of weight since the glory days. He is no longer “hungry like the wolf”. In fact he usually leaves food on his plate.

3. If a 275lb man doesn’t finish his dinner, a 300lb man will be upset.

4. Jason Ferruggia really is a vegetarian. It was not a marketing ploy for his new product line as was originally thought.

5. In the host’s wisdom – you should put the guy who flies in from a different time zone on first. Which was 5 in the morning his time. Which means he has no idea what he said.

6. Jabba the Hutt was based on a real person.

7. A goatee that is too heavy can cause a large muscle imbalance.

8. Jim thinks programs are not important

9. Jim thinks plans are very important.

10. No one knows the real difference between programs and plans except for Jim. And he’s not telling.

11. Jim thinks goals are extremely important.

12. For the love of God DO NOT tell Jim you don’t have a goal.

13. Jim believes that you can get to Chicago if you just drive. In any direction. With no map.

14. Jim thinks that people should only buy one book.

15. That book is the New Rules of Lifting by Alwyn Cosgrove

16. Or Afterburn.

17. There are people on internet forums who hate me. I am “the worst trainer they have ever heard of”.

18. But they HAVE heard of me ….

19. A dying child from the make-a-wish foundation who wants to visit Rhodestown just once will not get in. Even if he weighs 274.9.

20. Jim hates Crossfit

21. Jim hates kettlebells

22. Actually Jim hates everything. Particularly people who don’t ask questions. And don’t have goals. Or ask questions about goals.

23. Boxers can only lift 88lbs. 89lbs would be too much.

24. Jim has no comment about (CENSORED)

25. Jason has deduced that if you have two clients instead of one – it is better.

26. BTW – it’s RELENTLESS – not ridiculous

27. Dave Tate is the worst person ever to play word association with.

28. Jim Wendler is the word association World champion and greatest of all time.

29. Murph believes in non-conventional training

30. This consists of squats, deadlifts and bench presses

31. Jim thinks the drawback of non-conventional training is that the equipment is hard to find.

32. Waxy maize is not a breakfast cereal

33. It is indeed a high molecular weight carbohydrate.

34. No one knows what that means. Except Justin Harris.

35. No one knows how much rice molecularly weighs.

36. It is imperative that you memorize lines from There’s something about Mary and Anchorman if you want to succeed in this industry

Additions to Alwyn's List by Smitty from the Diesel Crew

Things seen at TPS this weekend:

Hairy man, with pants down around his ankles in the lobby of TPS, wearing a black mankini

Murph with entire can of cope in his lip

Dudes sitting around doing nothing….sweating

A bar that wouldn’t serve more than one beer

A Trojan condoms hockey jersey

Dudes walking on treadmills with flip flops

A Scot rubbing my lips while I'm in between bites of pizza

Things heard at TPS this weekend:

“Yeah dude, I stick my tongue all the way in…”

“…spray that on my ass, I got major swamp ass…”

“Dude, are you serious? Get out of my bed, I don’t even know you…Smitty, get up here!”

“Smitty, you’re hardcore? ...you shouldn’t get them handed up unless your back is hurt”

“yeah, I’m getting another tattoo on the other side of my neck….i can’t talk about it”

Question: “You tore your bicep?” Reply: “Yeah, but I locked it out.”

“You guys got a treadmill? I got to get warmed up…Vinnie do you know how to turn this thing on?”

“1985? I was smoking angel dust and holding people up at knife point”

“Yeah dude, warrior lip rub”


My Weekend in the City of Bad Accents by Vincent Dizenzo

Dave, Jim, Murph, Alwyn, and Jason are very cool and hospitable guys. You can learn from all of them regardless of what you do. Actually, Jim's not that hospitable, but he is the other things. Here were my highlights:

-I got to train with Dave Tate!

-Jim has hot legs.

-Alwyn does a hell of a Shrek impersonation and is about the funniest guy I have ever met.

-Jason does not like Alwyn.

-Murph is still dirty.

-Rhodes hates boneless chicken wings.

-Cancer sympathy is good for two years, but it won't get you into Rhodestown (might get you into Rhodesville).

-Even the Mayor can be thrown out of Rhodestown.

-You need to flex for pictures.

-Murph is now down a small stone as well as a trap bar.

-Wendler is not in Rhodestown, but somehow runs the damn place.

-Pink asprin give you a headache.

-Dave really likes being big.

-You can't talk about _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

-Those guys are even more f@cked up than I am!

Thanks for having me. Can't wait until the next time.