Thursday, January 04, 2007

Eat Big, Get Big

Since it's the winter and the perfect time for bulking up I thought I would share a hilarious poem from my good friend, Dave Tate. While it is definitely a little wacked out and humorous it also stresses the importance of eating big to get big. In a perfect world, you could consume four to six thousand calories per day of egg whites, oatmeal, chicken, fruit and vegetables. But let's face it, that's impossible. No one can do that. If you really want to jack up your calories and pack on a ton of weight, you're gonna have to hit the junk food once in a while. It's the only way. If you try to stay lean all year you can still get bigger, it will just take way longer and you will never gain a ton of size. If your goal is to weigh 250 and right now you weigh 175, you're gonna have to put away some serious amounts of pizza and ice cream and be prepared to gain some bodyfat. If you eat big and train heavy you will grow. If not, you won't. It's really that simple.

With that being said, here is Dave's poem about one of his favorite junk foods for bulking up; Oreos. This is the follow up to his dissertation on how to eat a bag of Oreos at one sitting.

This is NOT a meal nor snack.
It is just another way to add some JACK.

Sometimes you have to do things to live your dream.
and yes, this may mean eating some cream.T

his may not be the best habit to keep
But remember when the rest of the world is asleep.

You will be the one paying the price.
As they wake to another day of chicken and rice.

Sometimes you need to eat healthy to stay clean.
But I am here say you may have to eat like shit to be a machine.

This may be contrary to fact
but skinny NOT, Let's get jacked.

If you want to grow up to be like the great King Kong
then mark my words, you may need some Ding Dongs.

Listen up and make sure to get this right
it all comes down to calories per bite.

Some of you may be saying "Dave you are whacked"
This is okay because I am almost JACKED.

I have done what I needed to do.
And yes. I remember the picture at the zoo.

To keep from getting decked
you should get your blood work checked.

A glass, ice cream and root beer make a float
just what is needed for a monster bloat.

Please don't get trapped
you need to eat big to get JACKED

There will be times you will want to quit
walk to the mirror and look through your slits

your face is bloated and looks like dread
but your arms are JACKED, you can't shave your head.

Eating in class once lead to after school detention
but a must this was to gain water retention.

Go to the store and hit the cookie isle
Load the cart up with a big giant pile

When you check out you will pay the toll
Never mind, this is the way to get swole.

The point I am trying to make
Is really as simple as eating cake

Candy bars, subs, and chips are the right track
A great daily lunch this is, to get JACKED.

It has to do with getting more than getting big
For some of us this may mean being a pig.

You see getting lean is a piece of cake.
It is getting big that makes most shake.

The thought of losing their abs
has them all taking jabs

They need to get in the kitchen and crank up "back in black"
Tear open a box of pop tarts and get JACKED.

They buzz-buzz-buzz like mosquitos
when all they need is a bag of Doritos.

I will say this one more time
what they say and do is such a crime

They have their ass tied and bound
Here is a clue - Fudge Round.

Dieting is easy when you set your way.
Adding mass is without a doubt a different day.

They have their way and I have mine
but please remember I walk the line

They might have been the head of the class.
but they can kiss my JACKED up ass!

Happy New Year!

You gotta love that. Now go eat like a man.